Take Responsibility


One thing which I try to communicate to people who carry childhood wounds is: you might have had problems in childhood, but what are you going to do about it now? It’s a very easy thing to continue to blame your past and your parents. But by blaming your parents, you don’t take responsibility for what is happening now. So anything might have happened in the past, but now you are in the position to take responsibility and to work with it in the present moment.

Another thing you can do is to reflect on three questions in a very meditative situation. The first one is: “What are the good things your parents have done for you?” It is interesting that we have a selective memory. We have a tendency to remember only the minuses. The memory can change when one recalls the good things. The other questions are: “What are the good things you have done for your parents?” and: “Do you know what difficulties you created for your parents?”

When you reflect very deeply on these questions, a sense of appreciation arises. It’s also possible that a sense of guilt will arise because of the wrongs you did to your parents, and if that happens then practising meditation of loving-kindness might help.

But I realise it takes a lot of time for a person with deep wounds to come from being a nobody to being a somebody. The work has to take place on a psychological level, on an emotional level, and also on a physical level.