Reflection

by Friends of Godwin

If we can develop the quality of reflection we can see the Dhamma in any experience in life; any experience can be a meditation. It can be a sickness, it can be some disappointment, it can be some frustration, it can be some happiness, it can be anything, but just learning to reflect, to contemplate, to understand, is very important.

In this connection I would like to suggest a technique which you can practise in everyday life. In the evening after work when you go back home, I know everyone who goes home is tired, but please try to recover from that by maybe taking a shower or something similar, and then just for a few minutes take your mind back and reflect on how you spent the day.

From the time you woke up to the time of that reflection, just try to go over all the things. See now, how many times did I get angry during the day, what were the occasions when there was stress, were there situations when I lost control of my emotions? You are not doing this as if you were a judge, trying to beat yourself, but in a very friendly, gentle, understanding way, just going over what happened.

And what is more important is also to reflect on the times when such disturbances were not there. Reflect on the good things that you have done, the generous things you have done, the friendly things you have done, the nice words you have used. You should also include these. This is more important or at least equally important.

If you can be more open to these positive things you’ll be surprised to know what a good person you are. So this type of reflection will enable us to know more about ourselves, to know about our behaviour in a very objective, clear way and when you do this a natural transformation will come in your behaviour without your trying to do anything.

A Beautiful Way to Live

by Friends of Godwin

Using a technique like focusing on breathing we learn to develop awareness, we learn to develop a non-reactive mind, we learn to be open, and once you know that now you are fairly stable then you can open up to whatever is happening. And what is beautiful in this technique is that even when there are times when you don’t have a spacious mind and when you are reacting, when you have some emotion, then that becomes an object of meditation, you learn about it, you investigate it. So if you are unable to do it at that time when it will not be very easy, at least later on you can reflect on what happened and can learn from it.

So our mistakes, our failures, they’re used as our teachers, they’re used for our spiritual growth. It is a very beautiful way to live. Usually when we make a mistake we give ourselves a big minus, we feel guilty, we suffer from anger, all different reactions. But in this way there is no need to have such reactions to our mistakes, instead you learn about what happened to you, so it develops self-knowledge and you feel grateful for these emotions and reactions that you have had.

I would like to emphasise this very much because I know in this culture there’s lots of suffering as a result of our failures, our mistakes. So hereafter please don’t suffer as a result of them, make them the object of meditation, make an effort to learn from them, because we can use them as a mirror showing us where we are. So please be very clear on this point. Then you come to a state that whether these unpleasant emotions are there or whether there are pleasant emotions it makes no difference. No big plus when pleasant experiences are there, and no big minus when unpleasant experiences are there. As the Buddha said: We learn to see things just as they are.

Just be Open

by Friends of Godwin

Meditation on loving-kindness is related to all the techniques, because if you can learn to make friends with whatever is happening, in that moment there is freedom. The simple fact is that suffering comes when we resist something, whether in meditation or whether in everyday life. So loving-kindness, friendliness, gentleness, openness, allows us not to resist but just to flow with, just to be open to what is happening.

People who are unfriendly to you, people who are unkind to you, people who are unreasonable towards you; they should be our gurus, they should be our masters, they should be our teachers. As one of my friends put it, they really present you with a mirror. So when you meet such people you should be really grateful for them because they are testing you.

The important thing is, not to be concerned about what they are doing but to watch what is happening in your own mind. This is why we have been emphasising so much the practice of awareness, just knowing what is happening. Then when you realise that the problem is what is happening here in your own mind and not what is happening out there people may behave in any way but there is no reaction to that.

And this shows that we are all still human. According to the Buddha, until and unless we are enlightened we are all crazy. So we are living in a crazy world. The problem with us is that we are taking these crazy people too seriously! So the sane way to live in a crazy society is to realise this, to understand this and to have compassion towards the crazy people we have to be with. So this is how we can relate to such people – they should be our teachers. So I hope you meet more and more such masters, such teachers, such gurus in your life, because they are much better for you than this so-called teacher from Sri Lanka!

An Art of Living

by Friends of Godwin

The simple thing about focusing on the breathing is that it is learning just to be aware. We try not only to learn about awareness in relation to breathing but to whatever is happening in our mind and body.

So it is very simple. If you are having thoughts you just know that thoughts are there. If the breathing goes fast you know now the breathing is fast. If you have unpleasant sensations in the body, you know there are unpleasant sensations in the body. The whole focus of the technique is just knowing what is happening from moment to moment. If your mind is calm, you know the mind is calm. If the mind is not calm, you know the mind is not calm.

If we are meditating to achieve a mind that is calm, then when calm comes we will hold onto the calm. This is how suffering is created. And so if there is calm there is also suffering. So what this meditation aims at is something very simple, knowing what is happening, just being friendly and saying okay to whatever is happening. And if you can meditate in this way, at the time you are meditating you are free from suffering.

And what is also important is to use the breath not only when we are sitting. This is why I have been saying, please make a connection with your breath. So in everyday life at different moments you can just come back to your breath. The breath is our friend, it will help us to experience the present moment, the here and the now. The idea is to sit and develop awareness, and then to use that awareness at other times. I would consider that to be more important than what is happening only when you are sitting, because it is in everyday life that suffering is created, problems are created, you have to face challenges.

Some meditators ask me: Am I doing it right? How do I know whether I am progressing in my practice? So I tell them the progress is not what is happening when you are sitting but how you relate it to everyday life. In Sri Lanka we have very rich people who are sometimes very unkind to their servants. So when they are learning meditation I tell them the way to know their progress is to see the way they are treating their servants at home. They are not very happy to hear such things!

So please realise our progress is in how we are relating in everyday life. It is a way of living. It is an art of living. It is a way of thinking. It is a matter of having a certain attitude towards life. So please see this clearly, please realise this. Please don’t associate meditation only with a particular posture, a particular time, a particular technique.

There is No Owner

by Friends of Godwin

Another aspect of thought is that we have a very strong conditioning to identify ourselves with them and say: These are my thoughts. I am thinking. Again without realising it, it is the thoughts that have created the thinker. This is why I have been suggesting just to see thoughts as thoughts without an owner, without the idea that these are my thoughts but just thoughts arising and passing away.

It is funny how we have this idea of ownership. We start owning everything: thoughts, emotions, sensations, persons, possessions. And when we start owning things we don’t like to let go of the things we own. This is why we find it difficult to let go of emotions because we think this is my anger, my fear, my anxiety, my sadness; so whatever we consider mine we don’t want to let go. This is the deeper aspect of the Dhamma, to indicate to us actually there is no owner. There are just thoughts, there are just sensations, there are just emotions.

It is this sense of ownership which is creating our suffering. Nothing should happen to my mother – anything can happen to other people’s mothers. Nothing should happen to my body, but other people’s bodies – there’s no problem whatsoever. And then in the same way we have this identification with possessions: my cup, it should stay with me; but other cups, there is no problem. We even draw the same distinction about animals. This is my cat; this is the neighbour’s cat. So the neighbour’s cat should not come and attack my cat. How can the neighbour’s cat do that? So it is an interesting question to reflect on: what happens at the time of death to all the things we think we own? If we really own them we should be able to take them with us even after death, but we can’t.

These are really very deep, profound aspects of the Buddha’s teaching. To see the connection between our sense of ownership, with the sense of I and me, and how that is creating suffering. So these are some areas, some aspects that we can find out about for ourselves in the practice of meditation in everyday life.

Don’t be Surprised

by Friends of Godwin

In everyday life sometimes we are forced to deal with people whom we consider to be negative, maybe starting with your husband or wife, or more probably the boss. So what do we do when we have to relate to such people? Fortunately or unfortunately, we can’t avoid them, so we can’t escape from them. Then what do we do? I will give some suggestions.

First suggestion is, don’t be surprised. Why? Because they are unenlightened beings just like yourself. So it is very important to realise that we are living in a world which is full of imperfect human beings, including ourselves. Putting it in stronger language, according to the Buddha until we are enlightened we are all crazy. We are crazy in the sense that no-one can claim that they can always see things just as they are. We all see things subjectively, not objectively. In this sense we are all crazy, and so we are living in a crazy world. So when you see imperfections in everyday life, whether arising in yourself or in others, please don’t be surprised.

The second suggestion is that when you see imperfection in others, try to remind yourself: I am also imperfect like that person. Otherwise we have a self-righteous attitude: I am perfect, the other person is imperfect. I am positive, the other person is negative. Is there anyone who is always positive? Are you always positive? So just to realise: Now the other person is negative, so I can also sometimes behave like that. Then you become more and more humble.

The third suggestion is to try to see them as your gurus, as your teachers, as your masters. I would like to mention now that I have been called a master but I would like to see myself as a spiritual friend and not as a master. But when you see negative people, please see them as masters. Why? Because the master is showing you a mirror. So what to do when you are getting angry? Use the mirror and look at your face reflected in the mirror. Whichever way the master is behaving, look at your own emotions. What are the emotions that are coming? I’m giving that person a minus. See I’m getting angry, I’m getting annoyed, I’m getting agitated. See all the emotions that are arising thanks to the master. The function of a good master is to try to test whether you are good meditators. So this master is testing you whether you are a good meditator.

And then one thing that is very difficult but very interesting to do is: can you see the master as if for the first time? Sometimes we come to a conclusion that this person is a negative person. So everytime we see that person we relate to him with that conclusion, with that prejudice, with that bias. Sometimes we see what we want to see. So poor master, even if the poor master is behaving in a positive way we think how negative that person is: see the way that person is looking at me! Because we only see what we want to see.

And the last suggestion is to ask the master what are the negative things you can see in me? That will be very revealing.

Negative Feelings and Thoughts

by Friends of Godwin

Please see negative feelings and thoughts as an opportunity, as a learning experience, because it is extremely important and valuable for us to learn about unpleasant emotions.

How far can we make friends with them, how far can we say I don’t feel O.K. but it is O.K. not to feel O.K?

What exactly is negative, unpleasant about it? Is it a thought, is it a sensation, is it an emotion? Trying really to look deeply into what you consider to be negativity.

Another tool is to think of our friend the breath at that time. Or just become conscious of the sensations in the body. Just being with the breath, just being with the sensations; and then if we can just be with the breath and with the sensations we might have fewer thoughts and this will help us to really create space around the unpleasant emotion we are experiencing.

The next tool is to realise that whatever arises passes away. What is funny is that if we have an unpleasant emotion, if we tell the unpleasant emotion: don’t leave me, don’t go, what will happen? It won’t stay. Or even if we say: stay with me, it will change. So we have no control. These things arise, these things pass away. So just to be open to that important aspect of what the Buddha taught.

Another very important point is that when these unpleasant emotions are not there, just to know that they are not there. Because everything is changing, sometimes we have pleasant emotions, sometimes we have unpleasant emotions. We won’t be having all pleasant emotions nor will we be having all unpleasant emotions. So to be open to both and know when they are there and when they are not there.

Realise that these are visitors that come to our mind. So you must be a very good host, and let these visitors come and let these visitors go. So when visitors come, as a good host you must say: Hello, welcome. Make friends with them and talk to them. Why have you come? What can I learn from you? And when they leave, say: Goodbye. Come back again later!

So in this way we can learn to play with their coming and going. Then rather than see them as problems, you see them as very interesting situations, challenges, working with these interesting visitors we have. And there is a very deep Buddhist insight which understands that these visitors do not belong to us. The problem arises when we think they belong to us and say, this is my sadness, this is my anxiety. So I hope you will wait for these visitors to come and then learn to use some of these tools. Then you can develop lots of self-confidence, and when they arise you know what to do.

Sitting Meditation

by Friends of Godwin

Let us begin by just feeling friendly towards our mind and body. Friendly and gentle towards our mind, friendly and gentle towards our body.

Can you see yourself as your best friend? And can you really feel it, feel it in every part of your body, your whole being?

And being your best friend, you have complete confidence and trust in yourself.

Now let us just be mindful, just be aware, just be alert and awake to what is happening in our mind and body from moment to moment.

Please realise that what we are doing is not to develop concentration but just learning to be aware, learning to be conscious, learning to be alert. So please don’t try to achieve anything. Whatever is happening in your mind and body, just know what is happening.

If you are aware you will know that you are sitting completely still and you will feel the stillness around you.

Now we will use our awareness to become aware of our breath. Please allow your body to breathe naturally and just be aware of the sensations, the movements you experience in the body, in your breathing.

You know when the body is inhaling. You know when the body is exhaling.

Feel friendly towards your thoughts and just return to your breath.

Experience the present moment with the help of your friend, the breath.

When the breath is long you know that the breath is long. When it is short you know that it is short. When it is deep you know it is deep. When it is not deep you know that it is not deep.

Feeling the stillness in the room, you inhale. Feeling the stillness in the room, you exhale.

If there are unpleasant sensations in the body, just learn to feel friendly and gentle towards them. Don’t see them as disturbances or distractions.

If there are unpleasant sensations in the body, how far can you make friends with them without disliking them?

If you are experiencing any unpleasant emotions, how far can you feel friendly towards them, not dislike them, not want them to go away?

If you have thoughts that you don’t like, how far can you feel friendly towards them and just allow them?

If you are not resisting any of these things, there is no suffering.

Meditation of Loving-Kindness

by Friends of Godwin

Let us begin with meditation of loving-kindness, Metta.

We will try to radiate, extend lots of friendliness in all directions.

May all beings be well. May all beings be happy. May all beings be peaceful. May all beings be free of suffering.

Let us now think of the people whom we know are suffering. Maybe physical suffering, maybe mental suffering.

Let us feel for those people who are suffering. Let us feel concern for those people who are suffering.

May they be free of the suffering that they are experiencing.

Can you really wish this from your heart?

Can you feel happy that you are trying to develop qualities of loving-kindness and compassion for others? Rejoice in this.

Can you be happy with yourself that you are trying to develop these qualities of the heart?

Let us now try to develop the important quality of a non-reactive mind. Whatever is happening in our mind and body right now, can we relate to that without liking, without disliking?

If we are experiencing physical pain, physical discomfort, can we relate to it without reacting?

If your mind is not calm, can you just know that the mind is not calm and not react to it, not give it a minus?

If you are experiencing pleasant experiences, can you not like it; and if you are experiencing unpleasant experiences, can you relate to it without disliking it?

Just being open to whatever is happening.

Learning to see things just as they are.

Reacting and Responding

by Friends of Godwin

Please get these two words very clear: reacting and responding. If we are reacting emotionally we can learn from that. What made me become so sad? What made me become so depressed? What made me so insecure? Because you might have had the thought: maybe my own child could be like this sometime. So we can create a huge story from a simple incident that you have seen on the road. If that happens, you can reflect on it: Why am I reacting? So that becomes an object of meditation.

And maybe in another situation you might be able to respond. Respond very clearly, very calmly, with a still mind, doing what has to be done. So you see the difference very clearly: Ah, see what happens when I react and see what happens when I respond. Just see the difference.

And the same principle applies to what is happening internally. When we are meditating, someone who is habitually reactive can be reactive to what is happening in meditation also. To take an example, supposing your knees are in pain. You can say my knees are in pain, who knows, my knees might break, I know some meditators who have broken their knees – and you can create a huge story from the pain in the knees. And from the pain in the knees you can have anxiety, you can have fear, you can have insecurity, you can have all these unpleasant emotions. So responding would be just observing the pain and learning to make friends with it, and if it becomes unbearable you change the posture.