For some reason everywhere in the world there seems to be too much emphasis, too much power given to the mistakes, to the negative things, and that the good things are taken for granted. This happens very often in relationships. You do good things, and with so many good things you make just one mistake and that one mistake becomes more important than all the good things that you have done. So people will be talking about that one mistake but not at all about the good things that have been done by that person.
So it brings up the interesting question: Why do human beings give so much power to the mistakes, to the negative things, and the positive things are taken for granted?
As we realise that this is something common to ourselves, we should in our own life try to practise in a different way. One suggestion I would like to offer is that whenever we see someone doing something good, I think we should make it a point just to mention it, to appreciate it. For parents who bring up children this is a very common problem, that the parents tell the children only when they make a mistake. When they do something good, that is not mentioned! So a child is brought up with the idea: I’m always doing wrong.
When a similar discussion took place in a foreign country I was in, in the audience there was a teacher who had been counselling parents. She told us she gave an exercise to the parents. They were told to draw up a list of all the naughty things, bad things, the children would do. So without a problem they drew up a long list. Then the parents were told now please draw up a list of the good things your children are doing. It was very difficult for them to do that! They had to think very hard about what were the good things that the children were doing. Isn’t that interesting?
And this also happens in relationships. Sometimes in Sri Lanka I have to counsel husbands and wives who have problems. It’s a big joke amongst my friends. They say this man has no experience in married life and he is counselling married people! One complaint of the wives is that when the cooking is not so good the husband would be critical and make a big fuss about the food, but when the food is good they tell me that the husband practises noble silence!
There is a very interesting discussion in the Buddhist texts about spiritual friends. So what a real spiritual friend does is that when someone does something wrong he points it out in a very friendly way that you are doing something wrong; and when they do something good, when they do something right, he points out that you are doing something good, something right.